The biggest difference I've found between American and Indonesian culture seems to be the way we love. And I can trace almost all the aspects of Indonesian culture that, to me, are negative back to this difference. I have had this discussion with one of the teachers here and he agrees so these thoughts aren't coming from a purely American perspective.
When Indonesians love something, they hold it close to them. Really close to them. And really tightly. When Americans love something, they want it to be happy. They give it freedom and choices and hope it will stay near them.
I have seem this demonstrated in relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, my school with me, and even people and animals. And it's difficult for me to accept.
I went to the Surabaya zoo and saw orangutans and chimpanzees in just hideously small cages, holding on to the bars and looking out miserably while Indonesians threw peanuts at them. I've seen teachers, 26 year old women, driving over an hour to work every day because their mother's refuse to let them move from the family home. My friends are shocked that my mother didn't forbid me from coming here. I have met women with dreams of going to college but instead pregnant again and taking care of the home for their husbands.
Don't get me wrong, I love it here. But this is one thing is a bit hard for me to accept, and makes me look forward to getting back to the US.
3 comments:
Maybe every culture can be defined by how it loves. I don't think we have it quite right here, either though. It seems like a lot of the time America assumes that love is only the thing that happens with couples. When I talk about love being the most important thing in the world to me, people assume that I mean being in love with my husband. But I mean loving the world and the people around me and the experiences I have.
Anyway, just some thoughts. My hunch is that if we all learned how to love and didn't relegate that love just to the people close to us we could certainly be more peaceful and maybe even be more happy.
Heather these are interesting observations and Selina I really do love you as Heather's best friend you are such an interesting and observant young woman! You are so right about American's understanding the meaning of Love, many people do not understand how I "love" children as I do - as a teacher their happiness and well being mean so much to me. This is a different yet very real "love" from the love for my children or a spouse but just the same so important! Both you and Heather are making your impact on our world and I commend both of you for what you are doing.
Mom
Selina, I think you're absolutely right. America definitely hasn't totally figured it out yet, but for me, we are a bit closer than Indonesia. Or at least more people in America are closer than most people in Indonesia. Or maybe by closer I just mean closer to what I'm comfortable with, not what is necessarily right. I don't really think there's a RIGHT way to love.
Mom, haha I hope selina reads your comment!
Post a Comment